Have you ever felt that trusting others meant you felt more like you were losing a part of yourself? You're not alone in that feeling. Many of us have been taught that trust equals giving up ourselves in the hope they won't let us down. But what if I told you that this common circumvent of trust might actually be the one thing holding us back, and the hidden path from self-discovery that will mean truly connecting with ourselves?
The Misunderstood Nature of Trust
From childhood, we're taught that trust is about relying on others not to disappoint us. That the ‘others’ - our parents, teachers, friends, we're told from these other people that they’ll be there and show up for us. But as we’ve all experienced life isn't perfect, conflicts in schedules come up, pets die, parents forget, and so the very people we’ve entrusted inevitably let us down. When this happens, we're often quick to make excuses: "It's not their fault. Something came up. Animals don’t live forever." In doing so, we silence our own feelings of hurt, sadness or disappointment. Your feelings aren’t weaknesses. This pattern of dismissing our emotions is where trust starts to feel like self-abandonment.
The Cycle of Self-Abandonment
Every time we make an excuse for someone else's actions, and things that have happened to us, we're actually betraying ourselves. We push aside our own feelings, needs, and acknowledgement of our personal experiences. This cycle then repeats, and this time leaves us feeling disconnected and lost. We keep trusting others, hoping this time will be different. But in those moments where we’re stuck in our own thoughts and our hope for things to be different, we're also not checking in with ourselves. We're not asking, "What feels right for me?" or “Is that okay for me?”. Instead, we hand over our trust and hope for the best, often at the expense of our own emotional wellbeing and our crumbling trust model.
Reclaiming Your Power of Trust with Self-Discovery
The good news is, there's a way to break this cycle. It starts with recognising that true trust begins with yourself. Instead of abandoning your feelings when others let you down, try holding space for your emotions. Acknowledge that even if there was a good reason for the letdown, your feelings are still valid. This shift in perspective is powerful. It moves you from the outside-in approach of powerless anticipation of "I hope you don't let me down" to the inside-in approach of empowered understanding that "No matter what happens, I've still got me." This is a level of self-awareness and self confidence that never leaves you, and that can’t be taken from you. This is why trust is the hidden path to self-discovery.
Want to Take Action. Here’s Your Path Forward
So, how can you start this journey of self-trust? Begin by coming back to yourself. What can that look like? Those times when you face disappointment, practice holding two truths. Truth 1 - yes, maybe it wasn't their fault. Truth 2 - and also your feelings of hurt, sadness or abandonment are real and valid. Here you can recognise the other truth that’s also there. The truth that your emotions matter too.
Remember, trust isn't about giving your power away. It's about holding it close. It's about trusting yourself first. It’s about trusting that you can handle whatever comes. That you have the inside-in tools. That you can make sense of it. And that you can support yourself through it.
This shift from self-abandonment to self-understanding is transformative and creates a solid foundation of safety. It eliminates a sense of lack of support, a need to control, and creates healthy relationships that are self-trust building. It's a journey that leads to feeling empowered, safe, and deeply connected to yourself. It’s time to take the journey to come back to you.
*If you're ready to explore why trust is the hidden path to self-discovery further and learn tools to build a strong foundation of self-trust, then I invite you to consider joining our "Come Back to You" retreat. It's designed to help you stop abandoning yourself and start trusting in your own strength and wisdom. Isn’t it time you let yourself come back to you?