What no one talks about when it comes to self support is that it's not just about bubble baths and saying no to things. It's about actually showing up for yourself the way you show up for everyone else in your life. Because most of us have been taught that being responsible means taking care of everyone else first. We've learned that asking for help is somehow weak, that our needs should come last, and that self-care only happens when everything else is done. Sound familiar?
If it does, you're probably treating yourself like a leftover in the back of the fridge, hoping someone finds you before you go mouldy. Real self support isn't about fixing yourself. You're not something that's broken. It's about learning to listen to yourself instead of constantly overriding what you need. It's about bringing yourself along for the ride instead of abandoning yourself every time life gets busy or someone else needs you.
Self Support Means Checking in with Yourself, Not Just Pushing Through
We're so good at pushing through everything. Someone needs help? We're there. Work gets busy? We stay late. Family drama happens? We drop everything. And in all of that, we completely forget to ask ourselves the most important question… "How do I feel, and what do I need right now?"
This isn't about being selfish. Remember when you were little and got called selfish for wanting something for yourself? That absolutely stuck with you. From that moment you learned that self-abandonment was actually a privilege because people praised you for it. "You're so thoughtful! You're such a good sharer!" But nobody taught you to tuck yourself into that equation. Real self support means pausing before you automatically say yes to everything. It means listening to your body's signals instead of dismissing them. When someone asks you to do something and your whole body goes "ugh, that's the last thing I want to do". That feeling means something. What if you actually felt like you could listen to it?
You're Allowed to Receive Without Earning It
Here's a pattern so many of us have. In fact for most of us, it’s our specialty… we're amazing givers but terrible receivers. We love helping others because it makes us feel connected and alive. But when someone offers to help us? "No, don't worry, I've got this. I'm fine." Think about how beautiful it is to watch someone's face light up when you give them something. On the other side you're actually denying people that joy when you refuse to receive. And that also means that you're blocking a massive part of what support actually is.
Receiving doesn't mean you're weak or needy. It doesn't mean you owe someone a debt you have to repay. It's just the natural flow of life. If you could see a graph of how much you've given versus how much you've received, your giving would be way up here and your receiving would be down there. Can you imagine what's waiting for you that you're not been letting in?
Self Support Includes Your Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, and Financial Wellbeing
Self support isn't just one thing. It's checking in with yourself across all areas of your life…
- Physically, are you listening to your body or pushing through exhaustion?
- Mentally, what voice are you listening to? Is it the mean girl voice that roasts you every morning, or a supportive one that's excited about your day?
- Emotionally, are you allowing your feelings to exist without fixing or dismissing them? You're allowed to be angry. You're allowed to be disappointed.
- Spiritually, do you feel connected to your bigger picture, or are you so rushed you can't feel aligned with anything? and,
- Financially, have you unpacked the guilt and shame around money that's been holding you back?
Each of these areas deserves your attention, not just when things fall apart, but as part of your regular check-ins with yourself.
Time to Take Action and Start Your Self Support Check-In Today
Self support isn't about adding more pressure to your life. It's about creating a safety net and better experience where you've got you, no matter what. It's about making sure you're not a leftover anymore. Let's start with one simple question this week… "Am I okay?" Ask yourself that. Really check in. Then ask, "What am I working on right now?" and "What do I need?".
These tiny pockets of self-awareness can completely shift how you move through your days. This could look like realising that:
- I don't need permission to rest.
- I don't need to earn the right to have your needs met.
- I'm allowed to support yourself while you support others.
In fact, that's the whole point of this earthy you experience.
*If you're ready to dive deeper into understanding what self support really looks like for you, the Year of Self Support workshops and retreats offer a safe space to unpack your story, understand why you're stuck, and create your personalised self support strategies that actually work for your life.