"I feel like a burden." These are the four words are the triple whammy that reveal everything about why you're exhausted. And also, about why your relationships feel unbalanced. And why supporting yourself feels like climbing an endless ladder where you never quite reach the top. This belief, that asking for help, having needs, or receiving support makes you a burden. It was consistently taught to you, packed into your backpack when you were little, and it's been weighing you down ever since you were that child. You believe “I’m a burden”.
What's really happening is this. When you believe “I’m a burden”, you automatically put yourself at the bottom of a ladder. From that position, you spend your entire life with low self-esteem trying to climb up, trying to prove you're worthy, trying to earn the right to take up space. The problem? You're climbing the wrong ladder entirely.
Where the Burden Belief Even Comes From
When you were little, you learned that love had to be earned. That good things came to those who worked hard. And that you had to deserve what you received. These beliefs taught you that your worthiness was conditional. So what happened when you needed something? You learned to assess whether you had "earned" the right to ask. And more often than not, you decided you hadn't. Asking for help felt like being a burden. Like taking something that you didn't deserve.
This burden belief gets reinforced throughout your life. You see your mum exhausted from juggling work and caring for everyone. When you watch your dad work himself to the bone. That time when you decide that people who ask for help are often judged or made to feel guilty. So, you learn that ‘it's safer to not need anything’. It's safer to handle everything yourself and add another layer to your anxiety while you’re at it.
And here's where it catches you. You actually start to feel proud of not being a burden. You wear your independence like armour. "I don't need anyone. I've got me." But what you're actually doing is putting yourself at the bottom of a ladder and refusing to climb because you don't believe you deserve to be anywhere else.
The Ladder: How You Measure Your Earthy Self Worth
In every interaction, every relationship, there's an invisible hierarchy at play. Someone is better than, or someone is less than. There’s someone who wins; and someone who loses. This is the ladder. When you believe you're a burden, you automatically place yourself at the bottom. Everyone else is above you. They’re more deserving, and more worthy, and definitely more important. From this position, every interaction becomes about climbing. You have to prove yourself. You have to work harder, give more, be better, need less.
Your earthy self answer... become hyper-independent. You support yourself because asking for help would mean admitting you're at the bottom. You say "I'm fine" when you're falling apart because showing struggle would reveal your position. Your self-sufficiency is draining you. And the devastating truth about this though is that no matter how hard you climb, you never feel like you've reached the top. Because the ladder isn't real. 🙊
It's a construct designed to keep you small, to keep you believing that your worth is something you have to earn rather than something you inherently possess. When you're on the ladder, every relationship becomes a competition. Your partner isn't your teammate; they're someone you have to keep up with. Your friends aren't your community; they're people you compare yourself to. One person wins; one person loses. This translation of your burdenism is a wellspring for anxiety and depression. Everyone is exhausted.
The Sideways Ladder: A Different Way to Live
Now imagine something radically different. Imagine taking that ladder and turning it sideways. Suddenly, there's no up or down. There's no better than or less than. There's just you in your square and me in mine, both experiencing life in our own unique ways. With a sideways ladder, asking for help doesn't make you a burden; it makes you human. Having needs doesn't put you at the bottom; it makes you real. Receiving support doesn't mean you owe something; it means you're part of a community where giving and receiving flow naturally, and you’re no longer in isolation.
From this position, you can look at someone and think, "Wow, they're amazing at that. I'd love to learn from them." You're not climbing to catch up. You're building a team. This is where true self-support lives. Not in the exhausting climb of proving you're not a burden. But in the deep knowing that you're allowed to take up space, have needs, ask for help, and receive support. Not because you've earned it, but because you're here having your authentic self Earth experience and that's enough.
What Supporting Yourself Actually Means
Supporting yourself doesn't mean doing everything alone. It doesn't mean never needing anyone. Supporting yourself means knowing yourself so well that you can recognise what you need and actually allow yourself to have it. Sometimes what you need is to handle something yourself. That's supporting yourself. But sometimes what you need is help. Someone to hold space for you. A trusted person to sit with you while you fall apart. And letting that in? That's also supporting yourself. The burden belief has convinced you that needing support means you're weak. But that's the ladder talking. The truth feels much better than that. And the truth is that you can't fully support yourself if you won't let yourself receive support. You're operating at 30% capacity, shutting out the other 70% of support that life wants to give you. You're exhausted.
When Your Growth Threatens Others
And then comes a layer of complication. When you start turning that ladder sideways and recognizing your own worth, not everyone will celebrate. Many of your relationships were built ‘on the ladder’. Relationships and situations like... Your partner felt safe being the one who supported you. Your friends felt needed because you were the one who struggled. And now you're changing. You're finding your voice. And you're setting boundaries. You've decided that you’re not playing small anymore. Instead of celebrating, some people get scared. Because if you're not at the bottom of the ladder anymore, where does that leave them? This is when you see the pushback.
Your partner questions why you're changing. Then friends get distant when you start succeeding. And your family definitely gets uncomfortable when you stop playing your assigned role. This is the hierarchy relationship in action. One person wins, one person loses. And when you stop losing, they panic.
Your Invitation to Turn the Ladder Sideways
So what do you do? You do a reset. You create a new foundation. One built on the sideways ladder. You ask yourself:
- Where am I still climbing?
- Who am I still believing I'm a burden with?
- What would it feel like to turn my ladder sideways and finally let myself be supported?
In real life this also looks like honest conversations: The "I'm not leaving you. The fact is that I'm changing because I'm finally learning to love myself. And I think we can build something even better together." It looks like calling out the ladder when it shows up. This means setting boundaries while staying connected. Inviting people to build teams with you instead of competing.
Some people will meet you there. They'll recognise they've been exhausted by the ladder too. These relationships will deepen in ways you never imagined. But some people (including family members) won't. And as painful as this feeling of rejection is, it’s a sign that you might need to create distance. Not because you don't love them, but because you love yourself enough now to not abandon yourself for their comfort.
What the Year of Self Support Means
Stepping into 2026, the Year of Self Support means you're invited to a deeper level of this work. 2026 is about learning to support yourself by letting yourself be supported. This means unpacking the burden belief. Turning the ladder sideways. Recognising you don't have to earn your worth. You're allowed to take up space just because you're here. And when those moments come where you have to choose between staying small or stepping into your worth, remember that asking for help doesn't make you a burden. It makes you brave. It’s what makes you human. And most of all, it makes you someone who's finally learning to truly support yourself.
*If you're exhausted from climbing a ladder that was never meant for you, the retreat is where you finally learn to turn it sideways. Over three transformative days, you'll unpack the burden belief that's been weighing you down since childhood and discover what it truly means to support yourself. Not by doing everything alone, but by knowing yourself well enough to recognise what you need and actually allowing yourself to have it. You'll leave with your sideways ladder life-changing perspective, practical understanding of boundaries that don't abandon yourself, and the deep knowing that you're allowed to take up space just because you're here. This is where you stop climbing and start building self-compassion, understanding and teams instead.