When we put our trust in the wrong people, it feels like we're letting ourselves down. For those of us who’ve felt betrayed by others this often means, lost confidence in our own judgment, and our ability to trust ourselves and our decisions. This is the beginning of a cycle of no longer being able to have self-trust.
The Foundation of Trust Where we Loose Confidence in Self-Trust
We’re taught to trust others from a young age in being told “trust me” and “I won’t let you down”. We’re learning is that people are supposed to be reliable. The reality is that people often do let us down. What about that time a parent promises to pick you up from school but can’t due to unforeseen circumstances. That moment can shatter your sense of trust. And this repeated experience of disappointment leads to a cycle of self-abandonment. This is why we don’t have self-trust.
The Cycle of Trust and Abandonment
As children we find ourselves in situations where we trust wholeheartedly. As we grow, we tend to do the same, except because of our life experiences, we also remain guarded and anticipating disappointment. This creates a paradox: we want to trust, but we also fear the consequences of that trust.
- Here’s an example
You share with your partner that you’re feeling tired and overwhelmed. You remind them that the house tidy for visiting friends on the weekend.
They say “I’m going to help you with the washing. You go lie down and rest. I’ll take care of it.” You go lay down.
You get up you walk past the laundry. And right there is the huge pile you were told would be done this morning. You feel the hot coming into your cheeks and your shoulders rising up towards your ears clenching tight. You reason to yourself that your partner has had a big week. You say to yourself “it’s ok for other people to forget when they’re tired”. These are the times we’ll often make excuses for others, telling ourselves, “It’s not their fault...”
This is the simple justification that benefits others and that stops us from acknowledging our feelings of hurt and betrayal to ourselves. It creates long-term impacts on our self-esteem, and our ability to honour our own best interests.
Recognising Self-Abandonment
So we find themselves caught in a cycle of self-abandonment. This is where we trust others and also feel a deep sense of underlying unease at the same time. Societal expectations then compound this and dictate how we should feel and react. And then add to that when we make excuses for others, we neglect our own emotional needs. Which leads to feelings of anger, frustration, and disillusionment. If likely someone who feels like you haven’t been allowed to express these feelings. You tuck it away for later. Deep down in the vault. Hoping you’ll never hear about it again.
This is self-abandonment and it establishes fear of self-confidence, uncertainty in trusting others, and a harsh inner critic that tells you not to trust yourself. The positive here though is that it’s a very clear sign asking for change.
The Importance of Self-Trust
The most missed understanding when it comes to self-abandonment, is that the trust we’re talking about as adults, begins with ourselves. When we shift our focus from trusting others to trusting ourselves, we reclaim our power. This is self-trust. This shift takes courage and it allows us to acknowledge our feelings, be kind to ourselves, and validate our experiences without relying on external validation. It’s about recognising that we have the ability to support ourselves through life’s challenges.
Empowerment Through Self-Trust and Self-Discovery
When we realise that we can trust ourselves, we open the door to self-empowerment. This transformation fosters a sense of hope and resilience. Instead of waiting for someone else to rescue us, we learn to be our own saviours. This journey of self-discovery is essential for anyone who has ever felt lost or abandoned by others in their life.
Moving Forward
As you reflect on your relationship with trust, remember that the journey to self-discovery and empowerment begins with your relationship with you. Start by acknowledging your feelings and validating your experiences. It’s essential to recognise that you are safe already and can support yourself through life’s challenges. Take small steps to reconnect with your inner self. This could be through journaling, meditation, or simply taking time to listen to your intuition. Each moment spent nurturing your self-trust is a step towards reclaiming your power.
Embracing Self-Empowerment through Self-Acknowledgement
By shifting your focus from relying on others to trusting yourself, you can break free from the cycle of disappointment and self-abandonment. It starts with being open to the idea that you are your own rescuer. Begin today but allowing yourself to feel the emotions that come up when you think about experiences from past experiences where you made excuses for others. I assure you that this process of self-acknowledgment will begin to give you feelings that greater resilience and hope are possible again, supporting you to go about life with confidence. Remember, you have the strength within you to create a fulfilling life, and it all starts with the decision to trust yourself.
Understanding the dynamics of self-trust and self-abandonment is crucial for personal growth. By shifting our focus from external trust to internal self-trust, we can break free from the cycle of disappointment and reclaim our emotional well-being. Remember, you have the power to support yourself and create a fulfilling life.
I invite you to take a moment to reflect on or even jot down your new understanding about this important topic. This topic is a key part of what we explore more deeply at my retreat. Where we can unpack and explore self-discovery in a supported way, and embark on a transformative journey about self-abandonment together.
*If you resonate with this message and are ready to explore your relationship with trust, consider joining the upcoming “Come Back To You” retreat. This retreat is designed to help you reconnect with yourself, establish a foundation of self-trust, and empower you to navigate life’s challenges with confidence.