Have you ever felt like trusting someone means giving away all of yourself? Like you're either all in or completely closed off? If so, then please know that you're not alone. Most people I see that come through my Self-Understanding practice struggle with trust. Especially after life's big challenges knock your confidence! But what if there’s a way to trust that didn't leave you feeling vulnerable and exposed? And instead leaves you feeling connected and empowered? That's where token trusting comes in.
What is Token Trusting?
Token trusting is a new approach to building trust in relationships. It’s amazing for you if in the past you’ve felt like you’ve trusted the wrong people, or if you now have trust issues. It's about giving a small piece of your trust - a token - while still staying connected to yourself. Instead of handing over all your power and safety to someone else, you keep your anchor firmly planted within you. And it helps you slowly reconnect to your trustworthiness detector.
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There’s 3 key parts to understand token trusting:
- Trust Doesn't Have to Be All or Nothing
With token trusting, you're not setting impossible expectations for others or yourself. You’re also not the trusting child you once were. Instead, you're saying, "I believe in you, but I also know that life happens." This approach allows for flexibility, understanding, and a dash of faith. This also means you can open your heart without fear of being completely shattered if things don't work out as planned. - Stay Connected to Yourself
The beauty of token trusting is that you don't abandon yourself in the process. You're not putting all your eggs in someone else's basket. Instead, you're maintaining your own sense of safety and belonging. This self-connection is crucial. It means that even if trust is tested, which it often is, you still have a strong foundation to fall back on. You’ve finally become a trusting friend for yourself. - Freedom to Trust Again
When you practice tokenising your trust, you give yourself the freedom to open up again after disappointment. No more living in the extremes of either trusting fully and getting hurt, or not trusting at all and feeling isolated. Rather, you're got the opportunity of finding a balanced middle ground where you can connect with others while also still feeling safe and empowered.
How to Start Token Trusting
Where do you start? Start small. The next time you're in a situation where you need to trust. Try giving a little trust, and also stay checked in with yourself. You might say (either out loud or to yourself), "I believe you'll do your best. And also, I know that things can change and promises are sometimes broken. Whatever happens, I'll be okay because I've got me."
Remember, this honest communication style of token trusting isn't about withholding love or closing yourself off. It's about staying whole while still connecting with others. It's choosing connection without codependency. It's allowing others to be themselves without making them responsible for your safety and happiness.
By practicing token trusting, you're not just changing how you relate to others. You're changing how you relate to yourself. You're building self-trust, which is the foundation for all other forms of trust. And that can be truly life-changing.
*If you're ready to explore token trusting and other empowering practices, consider joining us at the Come Back to You retreat. It's a space where you can learn to trust in a way that supports and nurtures you, helping you come home to yourself.