Christmas can feel impossibly heavy when you've lost someone you love. When everyone around you is celebrating and spending time with their families, here you are sitting with this massive hole in your heart, wondering how on earth you're supposed to get through the festive season. The truth is, when you've lost a loved one this year, Christmas becomes this really confronting reminder of what's changed. You're not buying their present. Or hearing their laugh. And you're not sharing those moments that made Christmas feel like Christmas.
What I want you to know is this... you're allowed to grieve at Christmas. It’s ok to miss them. And you're absolutely allowed to do Christmas differently this year. Because everything has changed and pretending it hasn't doesn't help anyone. Let's talk about how you can honour your grief, go about honouring your lost loved ones, while still finding moments of connection and love this Christmas.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel Everything
The hardest part about grief at Christmas is that we feel like we're supposed to be happy. We're supposed to celebrate. We're supposed to show up and be present for everyone else. But the reality is, you're already upset. You're already missing them. You're already feeling disconnected from all the festive joy around you.
So let's stop pretending. You're allowed to have a little weep, as my nan would say. It’s ok to step away when you need to. You can take Christmas morning to yourself, to sit with your cuppa and watch the sunrise, or to visit the cemetery or their final resting place, if that's what your heart needs for comfort. The busyness and overwhelm of December can make you feel even more disconnected from the person you've lost, so finding those quiet moments to reconnect with them is essential.
Your grief isn't something to hide or push down. It's love with nowhere to go, and it deserves space at the Christmas table just as much as the joy does.
Create New Traditions For Honouring Your Lost Loved Ones
You don't have to do Christmas the same way you've always done it. You’re allowed to change things if you need to. It’s possible to change the layout of the day, the time you need to be present, where it is, what you eat, how you celebrate. Or you can keep some traditions and add new ones that honour the person you're missing. Make a list of what you’d like to do to honour the person you are missing.
Light a candle and say their name. Create a memory jar where everyone writes down their favourite story about them. Make their favourite dish and dedicate it to them. Hang their stocking. Put a special ornament on the tree. Wear their favourite colour. Start an advent calendar with 24 memories of them. Plant something in their honour. Buy a present and donate it in their name.
The point is, there are no rules when it comes to honouring your lost loved ones. You get to decide what feels right for you and your family. When you collaborate together and share ideas, you will find your way that you all come together, you'll find beautiful ways to tuck them into your Christmas celebrations. Because they're not forgotten. They're forever part of your story.
Let Others Hold Space for Your Grief
Grief can feel incredibly lonely, but you don't have to carry it alone. Everyone in your family knows this Christmas is different. Everyone's feeling the absence and have their own feelings about it. We're all just a bit awkward about how to talk about it because we don't want to upset each other. But let me tell you something: you're already upset. They're already upset. So let's just be honest about it.
Each person has their own personal ways. You're allowed to need help. Or to ask for what you need. You're even allowed to say, "I need to talk about them today," or "I need some quiet time," or "Can we do something special to remember them?" When you give yourself and others permission to acknowledge the grief, you create space for real connection. And that's where healing happens. Not in avoiding the pain, but in moving through it together.
Your Way Forward
This Christmas will be different, and that's okay. Your everyday life routines have changed and so have your special days like Christmas. You're allowed to miss them deeply while still finding moments of love and connection. It’s ok to honour them in whatever way feels right to you. You can choose to give yourself permission to have difficult times, and grieve, and celebrate at the same time. Even if you feel you need to be at family gatherings. Because love never ends, and the connection you have with them doesn't disappear just because they're not physically here.
Take the time to reconnect with them in your own way. Find the traditions that bring you closer to honouring your lost loved ones and their memory. And remember, you're not alone in this. There's a whole community of people who understand exactly what you're going through.
*If you're looking for deeper support in navigating your grief and finding clarity in this new chapter of your life, the Come Back To You retreat offers a soul-affirming space to reconnect with yourself and your story. Sometimes, we need that dedicated time to process, heal, and discover what moving forward looks like for us.