Time for a check-in! How’s that cycle of feeling like you’re in a never-ending loop of making excuses for others going? Are you starting to realise that you're actually silencing your own feelings? It's time to be done with this cycle and reclaim your power. Let’s pause the self-doubt here. And if you’re nodding, I want to invite you to explore how making excuses for others is keeping you stuck in the very cycle of excuses you want to break. We’ll also look at how we can move towards self-empowerment success, and breaking the cycle of excuses once and for all.
1. Recognising the Trap of Excuses
From childhood we're often taught to say, "It's not their fault". The problem this creates is an excuse for the other. Instead of acknowledging our own hurt feelings. This pattern then continues into adulthood. Except now in adulthood, we excuse other adults of their personal responsibility in creating a balanced and empowered relationship with us. Equal relationships where there’s mutual respect with people like parents, partners, or friends who we feel let us down. And so the cycle of excuses continues because every time we make an excuse for someone else, we abandon ourselves.
Excuses don't protect us. Instead, they zip our mouths shut, zap our confidence, and numb our feelings. They silence us. And they prevent us from validating our own experiences and emotions. When we constantly say, "They can't help it," we're not allowing ourselves to feel our feelings. This lack of feeling our angry, hurt, or betrayed emotions kept us safe as a child but as an adult it becomes a form of self sabotage. We're putting others' needs before our own. But in doing so, we lose our connection with our authentic selves.
2. The Power of Acknowledging Your Feelings
It's time to shift our perspective. Instead of immediately jumping to excuses, we need to create space for our own feelings. This doesn't mean we can't have compassion for others, but it does mean we need to have self-compassion. That’s compassion for ourselves too!
Try this: The next time someone lets you down, pause before making an excuse for them. Ask yourself, "How do I feel about this?" Allow yourself to experience those emotions without judgement. Remember, your feelings are valid, regardless of the other person's intentions or circumstances.
3. Moving from Self-Abandonment to Self-Empowerment
Breaking the cycle of excuses is about reclaiming your power. It's about saying, "Yes, this happened to you, AND this is how it affected me." Both truths can coexist. You can understand someone else's struggles, while still honouring your own emotional experience.
That’s the shift from self-abandonment to self-empowerment. And it’s absolutely transformative. Honouring your emotional experience allows you to feel heard. And feeling heard helps you to set healthy boundaries, make decisions based on your needs, and build relationships where your feelings are respected. Most importantly, it helps you reconnect with your authentic self. That’s the part of you that knows what you truly want and need.
Taking Action: Your Path to Freedom
Breaking free from the cycle of excuses is a journey, and as I’ve seen time and time again from working with people on this over the last 25+ years, it's one worth taking. If you’re wanting to get started, simply start by noticing when you make excuses for others. Pause and ask yourself how you really feel. Practice expressing your emotions, even if it's just to yourself at first.
Remember, you don't need to blame others, but you also don't need to silence yourself. You can hold both compassion for others and truth for yourself. This balance is the key to stepping out of the cycle of excuses and into freedom where you finally feel like you. And how you can come back to you.
*If you're ready to dive deeper into this journey of self-discovery and empowerment, consider joining us at the Come Back to You retreat. It's a safe space where you can learn to stop abandoning yourself through excuses and start honouring your own feelings. Together, we can break the cycle and reconnect with our authentic selves.