You've heard it a thousand times: "You can't pour from an empty cup." So you squeeze in that yoga class at 9pm. You light the candle after everyone's in bed. You tick the self-care boxes and wonder why you still feel utterly depleted. What that well-meaning metaphor misses entirely is that you're not just running on empty. You're giving everything to your loved ones and treating yourself like a left over.
There's a profound difference between ticking self-care boxes and truly honouring yourself. One happens at the end of the day when you've got nothing left to give. The other happens because you matter. Right now. Not as an afterthought. So, when you consistently put yourself last after the “important people”, your family, your partner, your children, your parents, your work, your commitments, you’re treating yourself as less important as a leftover. And you’re naturally become the less important one. And because this is what a major part of you feels, it sends a clear message to your body and your soul... everyone else is more important than you.
What’s happening with your body?
It's listening to those feelings and thoughts. Like that bone-deep exhaustion you're feeling isn't just tiredness. It's your body's way of telling you that you've abandoned yourself. Again. Low self-worth that’s speaking from your body as chronic fatigue. And burnout signals aren't character flaws or signs you need to try harder. They're your body forcing you to stop because you won't do it willingly. Your exhaustion is the red flag you've been dismissing, and it's definitely costing you.
You’re treating yourself as less important as a leftover
You tell yourself, "I'll look after myself when the kids are older, when work settles down, when Mum doesn't need me as much, when things calm down." But what I’ve seen in my clinic practice is that you already know deep down that moment never comes. There will always be another demand, another person who needs you, another reason to put yourself last. Isn’t it time to take a different action and move from "I'll matter when..." to "I matter now."
This isn't about being selfish. It's about recognising that you deserve better, from yourself first. When you constantly prioritise everyone else, you're not being noble or selfless. You're teaching yourself that your needs don't count, that your wellbeing is negotiable, that you're only worthy of attention when there's nothing left to give anyone else.
So what does putting yourself first actually look like?
It starts with small, non-negotiable moments. And you’ll find your own unique ways. What I’ve seen that look like is that it can be:
- as simple as saying no without the three-paragraph explanation,
- asking for what you need before you're desperate,
- recognising that rest isn't something you earn after you've done everything for everyone else, and that it's something you require to function as a human being,
- stopping mid-day to check in with yourself, not just at midnight when you're too exhausted to think and after you’ve ticked off all the other obligations,
- choosing the morning walk over the extra load of washing because your mental health matters more than perfectly folded towels,
- letting dinner and mealtimes be a touch more streamlined, and with asking for help from others.
You're not tired because you're doing too much. You're exhausted because you're treating yourself like you don't matter until everyone else is sorted. You’re treating yourself as less important as a leftover. And that hustle culture push-push pattern? It's costing you your health, your joy, and your sense of self. You deserve better. And that starts with you believing it first.
